As seen at the Olympics

Thanks to Restrooms pappa bear, let’s call him the original Perfect Porcelain Pursuer,  because he handed out the chores in our house, and now thanks to him we are privy to the commodes of our former Soviet Commrades.

Former because I don’t think that they are Soviet anymore and Commrades because with our Western sense of humor regarding toilets and what I have seen of ther loos tells me they have a sense of humor too.

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As one can clearly see in Russia they take going to the bathroom in pairs very seriously! Although I think they might have misjudged that the arm is the dominating  length in this team sport. The toilet paper dispenser is a vaulters length from the crappers and  is only capable of being obtained by the left toilets expert squat and lunging techniques. Guess the right bowl has a serious handicap!

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In the winter olympics we are spectators to such sports as the tabogan runs and skiing. We are also witnesses to such horrificly death defying sports as the Luge. A sport the pins one or two people on a sled backside flat and feet pointed as they go barrelling down a run at speeds of 87 mph or more. Steering is done by flexing their calf muscles or exerting shoulder pressure.

The Russian host city took this sport into consideration when they designed the Luge toilet. Feet on wall back on seat and a$$ on tile you can put those Buns of Steel exercises to use as you flex your way to a bowel movement and rush down that hersey highway like an olympian luger.

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For the snowboarders the bowls of choice include the pipes, half or full and enough white plys to get the job done. The antique fire extinguisher looking things, well I can’t come up with a funny analogy for those. Oh wait, the old assumption that snowboarders and skaters are always baked. Guess the Russians thought it was a fire warning.

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For the many player team sports the birth place of binge vodka drinking decided relieving oneself needed to be a team sport as well. Feel free to discuss game strategy as you lighten the load on these commodes, just watch how you use your play books to clean up as these pots do not supply that soft 2 ply modern wonder called T.P. (must be an American comfort only) although on the ledge this Restroom Rebel sees a hint of three sea shells. Any one ever figure out the 3 shell method of wiping.

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And finally, Bowlhead Mandy, knows how much this lavatory leerer, (coined phrase), loves signs found in W.C.s especially the foreign ones. Apparently it is ok to sit and pee, great for women, men you are going to need to tuck it in. You may not stand to dribble as you can gather from the 2nd picture, it causes splashing. Number three says you may not go on a vodka binger and vomit or use the porcelain bowl as a pillow! 4. No peeing on the toilet lid, no squat thrust training and no hiding your feet so the people on the next toilet, who can see you since toileting in pairs or teams is required in Russia, won’t see you listening in on your private conversations, exception being the Luge toilet. Number 5 under no circumstances ever ever fish in the bathroom! And finally number 6 and this is the most important, never ever ever never twerk on the bathroom floor while praying to the porcelain gods! (Sorry Miley)

Than you again poppa bear for sharing these wonderful examples of Iron Curtain Crapper Customs. And thank you 2014 Winter Olympics for bringing enlightenment to team sports, individual runs and proof that when all the countries involved in this wonderful gathering get together to do the single thing that unites us all as humans, relieving ourselves, that walls come down, important papers (t.p.) are forgotten, and air freshener non-existent. Explains why they carry that torch all over the world and light that big cauldron, lol no need for lighting a match.

Patrioticly yours,

Restroom Reber, new fan of the luge toilet

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